Feminism: Only strong independent women need apply?

When I first put the call out for this blog several of the women interested in contributing emailed me saying something along the lines of “I don’t talk about my mental health on my feminist blog because I don’t think anyones interested” or “I don’t know how people will react to it”

I think we are really wary of talking about this on our feminist blogs because mental illness is still too often seen by society, even feminists as weakness rather than an illness or a wounding and feminists are not supposed to be weak.

I read over and over again on the internet that “feminists are strong independent women” To me as a woman with serious mental health issues and increasing physical health issues this feels both marginalising and silencing. What about those of us that are neither strong nor independant, does that make us not feminists? Does it make us bad feminists? Does the feminist community as a whole look down on us? Because really that’s what comes across when feminists are characterised like this.

I live with Complex Post traumatic stress disorder, mild to severe depression, occasional dissociative symptoms and encroaching arthritis, so a lot of the time I don’t feel strong, I spend a lot of my time exhausted, in pain, flashbacking, having nightmares or not sleeping, feeling blank and empty, so I am often far from anyone’s definition of strong

And as for independent, I’m not that either, neither emotionally or financially, When I’m sick, when I’m so depressed I can hardly speak or move or think there are people I pull on hard, people that I rely on to get me through, people that I wouldn’t survive without. But I don’t actually understand why that’s an issue, just because patriarchal capitalism is determined to make us as emotionally disconnected from each other as possible that isn’t a good thing and I think as feminists we should actually be resisting that, the extreme individualism that our culture is moving towards is unhealthy for everyone but especially women, because in a society that doesn’t value us we need each other.

I do understand why feminists value financial independence, of course I do and I think every woman should be able to be financially independent, but the fact is some of us aren’t, and some of us cant be, I am dependant on my partner, and If i wasn’t i would be dependant on benefits. I’m currently working towards more financial independence but my mental health history is such that I am under no illusions that I wont have to stop work at some time again in the future when my depression kicks in hard. And I may just have to work part time, so the chances are that I will never be financially independent. This doesn’t make me a bad feminist, it makes me a victim of a system that wounds women and then punishes them for being wounded. It makes me a victim of a system that all women are victims of in someway or another.

And its not just us that get marginalised by the idea of feminists always being “Strong independent women”" it seems to me that the archetype strong independent feminist is a young white middle class able bodied atheist with no children and no mental health issues

Where does that leave all the other women who don’t fit that archetype? Feminism isn’t going to change anything if it leaves most of us behind