First jog, showering and body issues

I went to the gym about 7pm and did my first 15 minute jog, which went pretty well. Despite not really doing any exercise for a few weeks, my residual fitness level carried me through ok, and I enjoyed the run.

A few thoughts: Since I have some back problems and can’t usually run in the mornings (my back needs some time to unlock itself during the day in order to not hurt when running) I’ll be taking two showers a day - one just to freshen up before work, and one after the run. This is going to be quite a test for me, and will hopefully lead to greater body acceptance. One thing I didn’t mention in yesterday’s post, as I didn’t want to make it as long as your arm, is that I have an eating disorder, as well as the other mental health difficulties - compulsive overeating. I have also, in the past, suffered from bulimia and anorexia, and have quite warped views towards my body and food. At the moment, I regularly eat too much at mealtimes, and binge when I am bored or stressed. My weight is therefore more than it should be and I have trouble enjoying my body and often even looking at it is very difficult, provoking feelings of guilt, anger and disgust.

Showering is almost always difficult too - moving my hands over my body and bending to wash forces me to actually feel my body. Normally, I try and shower as fast as I can, and touch certain areas, such as my stomach, as little as I can. Showering twice daily means I’m going to have to confront these fears and try to accept myself a little more. I’ll report back on how this goes.