News: £18 million to fight mental health discrimination

Some good news at last! Via The F-Word comes this story.

“‘Moving People’ promises to change the culture of mental health forever in a ground-breaking bid to battle the growing problem of mental health stigma and discrimination, aiming to reach some 30 million people across England.”

I cannot help highlighting some of the statistics they give:

“84 per cent experiencing problems in getting jobs, mortgages, healthcare, friendships, relationships”

Well, Doh!. Take away the mortgage and you get my life.

Only 42 per cent of Londoners disagree that ‘One of the main causes of mental illness is a lack of self-discipline and willpower’.

Which really means that,

58 per cent of Londoners think that ‘One of the main causes of mental illness is a lack of self-discipline and willpower’

Oh, really? You can always count on Victim Blaming to add merryment to being mentally ill! It’s interesting to keep in mind that a) this are Londoners (infamously known as the most progressive of the progressives) and b) While the remaining 42 percent may not see it as a “main” cause, they will most certainly think it plays a part.

Also, what’s with the “winning” thing? Are worthy causes put inside little plastic balls and then randomly chosen for the big prize? I’m sure that the people behind “Moving People” worked very hard to make the case that they needed the funding. Why is everything that’s beneficial to society considered a “luxury”, a “prize to be won” as if there wasn’t enough to go around for such irrelevant stuff?. Oh wait, that’s right, there ain’t!

And one last thing before I shut up.

“We will be using the latest social marketing techniques”

Social marketing! Almost as fun as product marketing!
Let’s get real here. Social problems aren’t bottles of shampoo. And looking at the way shampoo is advertised, what are the chances that this campaign will include highly sexualized material?

All in all, this is good news. I’m sure of it!

Request: Books About Anxiety And Deppression

Hi, I’m passing on a request for help here.

From a friend who is a Canadian addictions and women’s health researcher. Books to help with anxiety and depression, which offer support ideas OTHER than drugs. I think any book on Amazon would be available in Canada. Can you help? Anything to help women keep off durgs and away from the psych industry.

“I am writing a section on coping with anxiety and depression for a health care manual that will be pretty widely distributed. I want to take a cautionary approach but would like to recommend about five easily available books that might be helpful for people who want some support, guidance and insight (and who want to avoid drugs) on how to cope with anxiety and depression etc.
The books need to be in pretty accessible language and ones that are available easily in Canada.”

The importance of being heard

I think I’ve been realising these last couple of weeks just how crippled I am by social anxiety. I hate that term – crippled, though. Maybe disadvantaged? It feels like everyone else has some sort of guide book that allows them to act normally in social situations. It feels like I’m constantly trying to catch up.

I’ve known for some years now that I have social anxiety. In fact, this knowledge predates the diagnosis of my OCD, which I have considered to be my larger problem. But now I realise that I’ve become so used to living with this stupid social anxiety that I don’t see it in terms of somethnig that can be fixed – it’s just how I am.

Talking. Talking is really hard. Even with fairly immediate family. But until this weekend, I didn’t notice that I clam up most of the time because I’m so incredibly self conscious, horribly embarrassed of talking in front of people. How could I not have seen that? It’s a classic symptom of social anxiety. And there I was, reading symptoms a while ago, thinking this didn’t apply to me because I didn’t realise I was embarrassed of speaking. I’m so self conscious on such a deep level that I a) wont even talk to my own grandparents beyond monosyllables, b) didn’t see that I had a problem.

Social anxiety reared another of its heads this weekend when I was meant to go to a party at my brother’s flat. Waiting to drive up to London with some friends, I overheard a phonecall that said the party might be moving to an outdoor mini festival in a park for a while. I worked myself up so much, over the stress of the evening, the stress of getting dressed up, of having to socialise, of the possibility of having to stay the night with no bed to sleep in, or packing bare essentials incase I did have to stay over, of deciding what, then, to pack – this new park plan was somehow the last straw. I was nearly in tears by the time we got into the car and started up to the flat. My friend kindly tried to show me how, from his perspective there was nothing to worry about. And I could see it, that glimpse of an eden where people really don’t worry about every little detail. I could understand his point of view – from where he was standing, in that blessed brain, there really was nothing to worry about. I thought about trying to explain to him how, even though logically I can explain away my social anxieties, they are so real to me. So frightening and inescapable, and they build up and up until I’m crushed by their weight. They encompass every detail. Oh, to be laid back!
All the time I was there, my self conscioussness and anxiety stopped me from saying much to anyone, or contributing to the conversation. After all, what could I possibly have to say that would interest anyone? Why would I interrupt people to add my boring, flatly voiced contribution? How should I join in a conversation in full flow anyway?

I so, so hate being this way. I’m letting my youth pass me by, I know it. I wish I had the instruction manual.

needy psychotherapy

my psychotherapist is really needy.  or maybe thats just what i think of him.  hes always breaking in to whatever im talking about to ask if im “really” referring to our sessions.  its all i can do some days not to laugh.  other days i want to scream at him, are you not fucking listening?  im talking about *this*, not about *you*, okay???  his whole job is just to sit there and listen and to sometimes ask me questions or give me an alternative view that i can ponder to make more sense of stuff.  not to try and relate everything i say to our sessions as if i didnt and dont have a whole fucking life of bullshit to work through so that our sessions dont even register on the very edge of my radar in terms of interesting stuff to think about.

i went last week in a high mood, all ready to move on with my life, tidy up, complete some stuff.  this week im feeling down and angry and fed up.  i might shout at him tomorrow and im nervous about that prospect.  im full of energy but only negative, itching for a fight really, ready to tell some people exactly what i think of them.  these moods always get me into trouble, just so belligerent and self destructive, ready to take up those offers of war and really win.  and i know where all that leads and im scared of myself, really.  scared of what destruction im capable of.  so i mostly withdraw and hide and that just makes me even worse.  once i saw somewhere someone describe feeling like a wound up spring, ready to be set off any second and not be able to stop or even choose a direction.  thats appropriate for right now.

its a head doer being like this.  this is when i most wish i was normal.

Prozac update

So, I thought I’d share how things have been going on the fluoxetine (Prozac) recently, and see if anyone has any ideas…

1. It’s stopping working… slowly, over the past 2 months, it’s been getting less and less effective. Firstly, the feeling of general contentment slipped away, putting me back to the usual base level of continual insecurity and worry. Then the bad thoughts started to reemerge, and the depressed moods return. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still better than it was when I wasn’t on medication. It really is. It’s just losing its efficacy with every day, it seems.

2. I went to the university health centre, and they won’t let me see any other doctor than the one I’m registered with. Last time, because he was on holiday, I saw an amazing doctor who was really positive about alternate types of drugs and was very reassuring. The doctor they assigned me just sits there in silence most of the time and then hands you a prescription. Nurses have told me he’s very shy, but I feel really uncomfortable around him. And now he’s back I have to see him on Wednesday and tell him how badly things are going… and I just don’t feel comfortable doing that. I’m dreading it.

Any advice?

Misleading news coverage?

I heard a few snippets this week on the BBC news along the lines of

Put away the tranquilisers. Sushi, chocolate and a new haircut could help beat depression, a new book suggests.

The overall impression I received from this was that it was advocating the ’buck up, go out and sort yourself out’ attitude that can be very damaging to people with mental health problems. It also implies that it is aimed at women with anxiety and depression, as I can’t see many people suggesting to men that they eat sushi, chocolate and get a haircut to deal with stress.

I decided to seek out the details about the news on the BBC website and found a short interview with Professor Jane Plant, author of Beating Stress, Anxiety and Depression, and Jane Harris, of mental health charity Rethink.

Luckily, my first impressions were wrong as they seem to be advocating that people with mild to moderate depression may find a range of diet and lifestyle changes helpful. That these options should be considered before anti-depressants are prescribed, and that more non-drug psychological treatments should be available for mental health. They also mentioned that only 6% of health research funding goes towards mental health research, even though the NHS spends approx £300 million a year on drug therapies.

Just a quick one

I haven’t posted much lately but I had to check in and share this with you all. In looking through student resources on coping with loneliness, I’ve found a lot of advice like ‘Try your university welfare office’ (those of you who have read my previous posts will know my feelings on this…) and ‘Make new friends’ (Uh huh, no problem, why didn’t I think of that etc). But this article on loneliness pretty much sums up everything I feel on the subject and it’s not specific to student life at all. Definitely worth a read.

Sunbathing in the Rain Radio Play

Got in from work this afternoon to hear the tail end of Sunbathing in the Rain on Radio 4 (which I leave on in the mornings for the dog!).

From the BBC website:

Sunbathing in the Rain: Gwyneth Lewis’s adaptation of her book, a down-to-earth, courageous and entertaining chronicle of her own experience of a severe episode of depression, how she struggled to find ways of coping and ultimately survive.

 

 

Listen again link should work for seven days:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/arts/afternoon_play.shtml

Motivational Music

One of the few things tht I still found some enjoyment in when off work with depression and ME/Chronic Fatigue was music. Having a good, friendly local music venue meant I still managed the odd night out to listen to folk, irish or acoustic performers in a laid-back atmosphere.

When at home I could lie back and relax to celtic, new age or relaxation type sounds on at a low level, especially on those days where I couldn’t concentrate on reading or watching TV.

The other type of music I turned to were songs that inspired me with their lyrics, either to grasp a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel or to physically get me moving.

One of my top songs for this is I should Get Up by Teddy Thompson, who I’m guessing has suffered from depression himself:

Depression looms
I’m such a miserable fool
I stay in bed
I don’t wanna got to school
But I see the sun
is beating down
No excuses from the clouds

I should get up
I should get out
I’m sure there’s something
I can’t do without
I should get up
I should get up
I should get up

I’ve heard it said
that life will pass you by
Live underground pretty soon that’s where you lie
But I feel so warm in my room
I’m safe and sound
inside my tomb

I should get up
I should get out
I’m sure there’s something
I can’t do without
I should get up
I should get up
I should get up

The world goes on without me
I know it
I know it
No one misses
the quiet kid
And there are things
I may have missed
But living ignorance is bliss
I’m so wrapped up in myself
I got no time for
Everyone else

I should get up
I should get out
I’m sure there’s something
I can’t do without
I should get up
I should get up
I should get up
I should go out
I’m sure there’s something
I can’t do without
I should get up
I should get up
I should get up

Has any music inpired or motivated you?

Smoking as a Self-Harm Substitute

Please note this post could be triggering to self-harmers and recovering/ex self-harmers.

My boyfriend bought me a car. He lives in Norway, he transferred me the money so he could buy me a car. In fact he bought me my dream car; a pink Mini. I have named her Rosa, after Rosa Parks, and because it’s the Norwegian word for pink.

I live on Incapacity Benefit and the meagre tax credits I receive because I have a small child. I could not have bought this car without my boyfriend’s kindness. And I cannot finance the insurance/tax without quitting smoking.

That’s a scary thing to write. I am quitting smoking. Officially I have quit smoking as of yesterday, though I had one-and-a-half cigarettes at around 10pm as I sat in the garden reading. I needed to take the edge off it. Today I have not smoked at all, and I think one-and-a-half cigarettes over two days is pretty good.

My therapist asked if I thought quitting smoking was a good idea right now. Carol never tells me anything is a bad idea, she never tells me I should or shouldn’t or ought or oughtn’t. She just asks if I think something is a good idea… that is her way of telling me she thinks it is a bad idea.

In the short two days my head has turned upside-down.

I stopped self-harming at the end of 2004. Aside from one occasion in November 07, I have not self-harmed in nearly four years. I promised myself that I would do everything in my power to prevent myself from doing it.

I am wondering, now, if smoking is perhaps a psychological substitution for self-harm.

In the two days since I ‘quit’ I have found myself craving self-harm in a way I thought I had left behind. I have found myself banging my wrists and pinching my skin and, on more occasions than I would like to admit, dreaming about once again picking up a blade.

Cigarettes are after all bad for us. We all know that. I am told that there is a far higher percentage of smokers in mentally ill people than in the general populace. I wonder if it’s another form of self-harm, a more subtle one, a more socially acceptable one?

All I know is that I did not want to quit smoking. I like smoking, and don’t much care that it is bad for me. It keeps me from going mad and seemingly it keeps me from self-harming.

But I do not have the privilege as the general populace do, of having a spare forty pounds a month for car insurance. This is a position that I am sure many of the readers and writers here understand – to live on IB is to live in poverty. I am unsure even now if I will be able to afford petrol and recurring tax/MOTs on the vehicle. But it is something I really wanted, so I will try.

Now I just need to try not to walk down the road of self-injury again… or perhaps to ask myself if it’s worth what this is doing to my mental health?

I would appreciate it if people would be somewhat sensitive in any comments made. I understand there are people who might want to tell me to suck it up. I really don’t need to hear that right now, even if you think smoking is stupid… at least understand that the withdrawal is very real and that for those of us who appear to have been using it as a psychological replacement for self-harm, it is potentially very dangerous.